A lot can change in a few days. I now have a paper license and a rental SUV. There's a long story connected to that. I also just test drove a bunch of cars and actually think I'm going to be buying an actual new car! I think I have whiplash from the emotional extremes I've gone through in a week.

As difficult as my parents can be they have been exceptionally supportive. They really want me to go back to school and have offered to help me with my car, which is such a huge relief. My dad even suggested I look at a new Subaru as he's been looking at them and thinks I'd be safer with the all-wheel drive. Which is true. Having driven one, I can say they handle like a dream! I've never gotten a new car before. I don't know for sure if I will now, but its far more probable than before when I was trying to figure out how to buy a car for $3,500.

So, yeah. Crisis averted. I can't explain how relieved I am. And, I actually got some writing done today now that I'm thinking clearly again!

How not to spend your birthday? Totaling your car. My shiny red Prius is toast. A guy pulled out right in front of me and I hit him broadside. He was at fault and was ticketed. Thing is, he was driving a borrowed car from the dealership - a 2018 BMW SUV! So while my car is totaled he'll be able to get his actual car from the dealership later today. And, because it's a Friday afternoon I'm stuck until Monday before his insurance company will give me a rental car - as they have one business day to respond.

I'm sitting here sore, knowing I'm going to hurt like hell tomorrow. I can feel my knees and shin are not happy campers. And, I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to pay for a car. I had a 2006 Prius that was paid for that only had 91,000 miles on it. It was in great shape but a car that old they'll probably give me a few thousand dollars if I'm lucky. I'll never find the same quality of car for the amount of money they're going to give me.

All I wanted was a birthday cake for my birthday. That's why I wen to the grocery store. I wanted one small thing. I didn't think it was too much to want. Now it's completely destroyed - like my car.

I am once again in Lincoln, NE. It's been a long week. I've driven a little over 1,400 miles so far and have another day's drive ahead of me.

While I had a nice Christmas and am glad to see family I'm also glad to leave them. I put up with blaring Fox News and being told how it was the only news organization providing accurate coverage of the news and I needed to broaden my horizons and watch it from now on. On top of that, I got to hear my brother espouse about Rush Limbaugh and how Mexican immigrants are bringing smallpox and polio to the States. Never mind that smallpox was completely eradicated back in the '60s and polio was eradicated in the US in the 70s. And, my nephews proudly proclaiming they'll wear anything except Nike was a highlight. I didn't ask but I'm guessing they're against football players kneeling too.

I love my family but hate that they basically embrace everything I don't like or respect or believe in. And, they disrespect everything I do believe in. I don't bother addressing any of this with them as they can't discuss anything but only lash out and attack. They can't stand to have their worldview even mildly challenged. It was easier to say nothing. It kept the peace.

My parent's one small saving grace is they are horrified by Trump. They can't stand him or all of his lying. At least they can see how horrible he is. Although, I think most of their horror has to do with how the stock market is bouncing all over the place. They didn't respect him before but now that the market is reacting to his unpredictability they suddenly care. Not that I expect them to suddenly do anything but toe the Republican party line. Still, that they can see he's not a fit leader is something at least.

I'll just be glad to get home and put this all behind me. Another holiday is almost done.

Why is it I can never sleep when I actually need to? It's 3:00 am and I need to drive 500 miles today. It would good if I could get more than 2 hours of sleep but I'm wide awake. It's too late to take anything to help me sleep and it's really too early to just get up and go, though I've done it before and I'm sorely tempted to just say to hell with it and do it again. I'll be in Nebraska in no time. Not that I'm all that excited about driving across half the midwest, but at least it's not snowing. I'll get to do that on the way back if the weather reports are remotely right.

To probably misquote and misuse Shakespeare - To sleep, perchance to dream, ah that is the rub.

This no tumblr thing is annoying but also enlightening. Every time I get stuck with my story I have this urge to check out tumblr and see what's going on there. Then I remember today we're boycotting the site. Which is fine. It's the very least I can do. But, I'm finding I really want a distraction. So, here I am. I have a feeling this blog is going to be used much differently than my tumblr. You actually have to post something to participate for starters.

In the meantime, I'm struggling with my story. It's times like these it actually feels like writing takes work. It doesn't always just flow. I wish there was a way to have what you want to say just magically appear on paper. All your thoughts and feelings you can't quite find words for - just presto - on your page! I guess if it were that easy everyone would write.

Argh. I need to finish this before Thursday. I'm driving half-way across the country for Christmas and don't want this hanging over my head.

Name: Lisa
Age: Gen X, Fandom Old
Pronouns: She/Her

How I Participate In Fandom: Just started writing Darcy fiction. I make computer wallpapers of my favorite actors and share them on my blog. They're not great, but they amuse me.

Current Fandom: MCU, I write Darcy Lewis, but have a weakness for Sebastian Stan.
Favorite Characters: Darcy Lewis, Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes, Clint Barton, Phil Coulson, Jane Foster

Ships: I don't have a favorite ship. I think I've read them all at one point or another. Stony, Stucky are the obvious ones. I'm a big fan of pairing Darcy with just about anyone. I like Jane and Darcy friendship fics. Also, enjoy just simple gen fic.

Previous Fandoms: Star Trek:TNG; Buffy, Angel, Harry Potter, Stargate SG-1; Stargate Atlantis, Twilight, Hunger Games and Glee.

Other Platforms: Archive Of Our Own - Fraulein and Tumblr - Frauleina

Real Life Stuff: Not much to tell. I read a lot. I go to Starbucks fairly regularly. I'm trying to figure out how to write fanfiction. I don't actually know anyone in real life that does fandom stuff. All my friends are married with children, so I have more free time then they do. I'm getting ready to go to graduate school.

Circle Policy: If you friend me, I'll probably friend you back.

I have just discovered two wonderful seasonal offerings. Starbucks has a peppermint mocha coffee out that is like drinking a dessert - if you add a bit of sugar and cream. The scent is amazing. Add to that Pepperidge Farms Candy Cane Milanos and you have a wonderful coffee break. I highly recommend it.

At the moment I'm trying to write a slow burn Darcy/Coulson fic, set in an apocalypse scenario. Considering I've never written the pairing before, to say nothing of a romance I think I might have bitten off more than I can chew. I've been inspired by all the other cute, romantic stories out there and think, I want to read another but can't find more and then decide, well, it looks like I have to write it myself. As good as the idea seems, it's execution leaves a bit to be desired. At this point, I plan to see the story through but have resigned myself to a somewhat shaky portrayal of the concept. I figure the story can still be entertaining, and it's all part of learning how to write. Maybe if I make it through this story my next one will be better executed. I just hope my readers are willing to stick with me through the rough patches!

Still trying to remember how to do this. I just updated a story.


We're Not Using That Term

An apocalypse scenario. Sorta, kinda, but not really zombies. Not graphic. Darcy/Coulson eventually.

Chapter 7 - At Least We Won’t Be Hungry

Coulson gets good news twice in one day. Jane has a rude awakening.

So it's 6 am and I'm wide awake and it hits me that I have this random journal just waiting for me to use. But you can use it differently than tumblr. I'm drawn to it - this old way of blogging. Maybe it never really went away but I forgot about it. I don't know if artists will be able to post here a lot - so my usual standby of reblogging artwork will have to go by the wayside if I want to use this journal. I'll have to return to actual writing again, which means it probably won't be so fandom specific. Which again, I sort of find intriguing.

At the moment I'm aware I'm horribly boring, And, that's ok. I have one follower -HI! No one really cares what I'm writing here. So, I guess I'm just going to go for it. If anyone cares to join in, the more the merrier.

What disturbs me most about tumblr is the Big Brother vibe of it all. Who are they to say what is acceptable? It's a slippery slope to go from sex acts and female nudes to discussions about topics that might make some uncomfortable. Erotica, erotic fiction and frank discussion about sex and sexual identity are a big part of the site, at least from what I have seen. They aren't why I'm there but they don't disturb me and in many cases have educated me and made me consider topics I normally never would. Yet, already these posts are getting flagged, causing an undue amount of stress for the users. And, that's the other thing I find disturbing, opening it up to anyone to flag a post. They've spread the ability to police the site to anyone with an ax to grind.

Another thing I find fascinating is they clearly say in their community guidelines they are against hate speech and even go so far as to give is a long, detailed definition. But, they seem to be ignoring the hate speech blogs. If you're going to try to make your platform safe and you've gone to the effort to describe hate speech in such detail, then you need to actually follow through and enforce your rules. Instead, it appears that they are focusing on just one segment of their user population. They are focusing on the sex stuff because that is what upsets their shareholders.

We're such a puritanical society and seems to be getting worse as time goes by. That nudes are more upsetting to some people is something I can try to understand. But why aren't they just as upset about the hate speech? That is disconcerting to me. I am much more disturbed by hate and I'm a fairly conservative - read that as old and the expectation is the sex stuff should bother me. But, I like to think I have an open mind.

I'm willing to look at something and see the effort the artist took, appreciate the colors and lines, even if I don't necessarily agree with the content. Who am I to tell the artist what they drew is offensive? It may be offensive to some, but maybe what they've drawn speaks to them. I find the actual sex sites annoying and occasionally disturbing but it's a simple matter of blocking them when they follow you. It takes but a moment. The frank discussions and erotic fiction I can scroll past if I'm not up for furthering my education or offering an opinion.

I can police who and what I see myself. I don't need big brother doing it for me.